Another shade of me

 Niatnya mau pulang tgl 24 - 3 jan. Udah bikin form cuti awal bukan des. Ternyata ngga boleh cuti.

No problem. Ijin aja 3 hari. WFH pula.

Tau2 harus pake antigen. 

Starting to feel irritated. Kenapa harus antigen sik? Mahal dan sakit bengak.

Oke. So far I dont mind though. You want antigen? Fine. Daftar lah d prokasih 150rb yg ternyata g ad jadwalnya sblm tgl 24.

I was very upset. Banyak bngt halang rintangan.

Then, temen nawarin mau ikutan buking ngga 250.

Aku yg desperado yg mau pulang bilang, oke, yg ada aja...

All is okay until that news came in. My brother already at my parent's home with his family..

Him and his screaming doeche kids??!!

Enough with that! That's the last straw.

I'm come home for a peace rest weeks, not a stressfull, scream tantrum feel all over the house.

After I got the news from my sister, (thank God, thank you sis) I just overwhelmed with trauma feeling.

I never knew that I didn't want to meet my brother and his family so bad. I cried and screaming inside that I don't want go home.

Just thinking about him and what he did and his unbehaved kids, I need to fake my self as an aunty that loving her nephew and niece which is not... and not to mention mom questioning my willing to get married made cried stressfully..

NO.

so, I cancelled all.

I rescheduled my flight, cancelled that 250 antigen test, and missed the paid prokasih antigen test.

I made excuse that we're not allowed to get day off to parents, and another excuse to work colleges...

And, here I am. Somewhat feel satisfied and relieve. 

Parents thought that I was sad that I couldn't go home. Haha..

But no, I feel normal. Happy like anybody else in here.

Sorry but I need anything that can triggering my anxiety.

I love me



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

embodiment of what I want to be

  Fictional characters give us someone to relate to and/or look up to. They are (in a sense) an embodiment of what we want to be, or may have traits (strengths and struggles) that ring true with our own. commemorating  100th vol. Onepiece, I want to elaborate which part I feel related/look up too/embodiment of what I want to be/traits that ring true with my own of Mugiwara crew, to justified why am I attached to them. Luffy : unrelateable character, opposite of me. He's so reckless, do whatever he thinks right to do, strong in physic. He has freedom (what I want to be). He's so pure like innocence boy, like no things to hide and dependable ( I want someone like this in my life) Nami : The most sane person in crew. She's smart, sly, and good with money. she's brave, knows when she need to be fierce or soft. ( I look up to her traits)   Zoro : He's so cool and very loyal to Luffy. a hard worker. (I want someone like him in my life too)  Sanji : A tsundere to ...
Read more

WTH

Hello. its me again. long time no see. I am writing this while holding my rage. A guest making a fucking ruckus next to my hotel room. WTH are they doing? renovating the room? for GOD sake. Its totally testing my patience. I am not in a F good mood these 2 last days. It was started by that meddling assessor who like to correcting all of your answer. the hell. I am childish? YES and so what?! I am chlidish person who survive from depression and anxiety disorder, who graduated from university of Tokyo, who published a journal indexed by Scopus and got invited to be achair of session on an international conference, who can handle crisis situation with a calm attitude, who can behave based on the situation, and actually have a dark side that nobody need to know about it. Nobody has a black and white inner self. I an trying to dont give a F to other perception about me. I am on my PMS this week anyway.
Read more